I am panicing... I've quit college and moved back home but now I feel as though I am just going to be stuck here again. I'm going to fall even further into a pit of despare and I don't want it. I want to get up and move I want to be free of the oppression of my Uncle and Cousin. Grandpa isn't oppressive... he wants me up and on my own feet and so does Mary and maybe my uncle would like to see it too if he cares at all but I don't think he does.

He has a way of making me feel like a bloody moron who's a waste of space and shouldn't even be allowed to breath. Like I'm so stupid that it would be better for the world to just not exist . . . I might very well be a waste of space but at least I'm smarter than he is. I have every right to live in this world too don't I? I shouldn't say it but I hate him a lot... and very seldomly do I like him.

His daughter who many keep saying that she's fine and nothings wrong with her is becoming a horrible thing. She steals everything and anything that isn't nailed down with no reguard at all to the fact that she's commiting a felony. It bothers not only myself but Mary too . . . I mean yea she has fetal alcohal syndrome but it isn't any excuse for what she's becoming! THERE'S NO DICIPLINE AT ALL!! not that the slightest bit of it does anything. If she doesn't get what she wants and when she wants it she'll sneak behind backs to get it. She is manipulative and greedy.

I'm not saying that I am without my own greediness and selfishness but I only take back from her what she has stolen from me when I find it. I think it would have been better for her sake that she was never born. I'm not saying that someone should go out and put a gun to her head or something! What I mean is that .... because her parents don't care about her enough she shouldn't have been concieved at all.
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I'm panicing because I don't know what I'm going to do. This house is a pit of depression and I'm sinking back into it with no hope of ever getting out. I quit college! Does that make me a fucking failure? I don't want to become a failure at life a loser.... Get a job.... it easier said than done for me you stupid people. I'm stuck behind a giant glass wall that has no hope of shattering. I have no confidence in myself and I am horrible with people... shy and too damned quiet. It would be absolutely wonderful if I could get on at that petshop. I love animals and I could learn to deal with people right?

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!? not that I expect anyone to actually answer this since I don't really have any followers. Followers would be wonderful.